Dear Wife:

Durin g the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times .






























I have succe eded 36 times , which is an avera ge of once every ten days.





























The follo wing is a list of why I did not succe ed more often :

54 times the sheet s were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you prete nded to be aslee p
22 times you had a heada che
17 times you were afrai d of wakin g the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren 't in the mood
7 times you were sunbu rned
6 times you were watch ing the late show
5 times you didn' t want to mess up your new haird o
3 times you said the neigh bors would hear us
9 times you said your mothe r would hear us



Of the 36 times I did succe ed, the activ ity was not satis facto ry becau se:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you remin ded me there 's a crack in the ceili ng
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finis hed
1 time I was afrai d I had hurt you becau se I felt you move

KEEP READI NG. . . . . . . ! ! ! !!!!!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =====

TO MY DEAR HUSBA ND:

I think you have thing s a littl e confu sed. . . . . .....


Here are the reaso ns you didn' t get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn' t come with energ y
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft befor e you got in
38 times you worke d too late
10 times you got cramp s in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someo ne kicke d you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zippe r
3 times you had a cold and your nose was runni ng
2 times you had a splin ter in your finge r
20 times you lost the motio n after think ing about it all day
6 times you came in your pajam as while readi ng a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watch ing TV

Of the times we did get toget her:

The reaso n I laid still was becau se you misse d and were screw ing the sheet s.



























I wasn' t talki ng about the crack in the ceili ng, what I said was, " Would you prefe r me on my back or kneel ing?"



The time you felt me move was becau se I was tryin g to breat he.


























Once you read this lette r you have to keep it going .






























This game has been playe d since 1996.




























So here are the rules :

If you read this on a Sunda y, wish for a good week
If you read this on a Monda y, wish for money
If you read this on a Tuesd ay, wish for succe ss
If you read this on a Wedne sday, wish for love
If you read this on a Thurs day, wish for anyth ing you want
If you read this on a Frida y, wish for a reall y hot date
If you read this on a Satur day, wish for an impor tant phone call

Repos t in 3.5 min.